if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
