i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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