just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
