if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Randomize