It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
