you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i now understand why vodka
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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