theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
and eventually we just all took our pants off
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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