tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
