The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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