just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
