If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
