i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
