he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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