Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She's like a pop up book from hell.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
