remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
