I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
