I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Randomize
