wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
