well you can't waste a boner
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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