I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
