I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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