I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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