i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
