East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
