I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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