He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
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