She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The uberlube is also flammable
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
