I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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