Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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