Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
