it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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