If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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