"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
