He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
