oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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