Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
