idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
