remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
