can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
