just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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