I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
