Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
