Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
