Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
