I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
