dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
