my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
