Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
