Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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