Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
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