I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
