yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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