none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
