tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
If I die, sorry about rent.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
