Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
