Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
