You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dicks are not precious.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
