I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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