A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
