Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
