I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
