So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
