everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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