Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
