Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
