My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
