Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
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