whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
